Delivering Very Bad News

Thanks for the support, this was not an easy one I must admit.

The first thing I did was to look at the Scout Association’s Bereavement Factsheet (we have one for everything it seems). It wasn’t quite what I was looking for, but gave the numbers of some professionals in this area, so I gave them a ring. I also spoke to my sister who is a doctor of psychology who deals with children and talked through what I thought was the correct way to tell the Scouts.

What I did was after flagbreak and inspection we had split them into two groups, one the invested Scouts and the other the ones who are learning their Law and Promise. I sat each group down and told them I had something serious and sad to tell them. I explained that their friends had lost their little sister and that they were deeply upset. I suggested they don’t hassle them or bombard them with questions, just to treat them normally and if they wanted to talk to do so or if they told them to go away to do that as well.

I was most impressed as the Scouts sat and listened and none were silly (they can be ‘boisterous’ at times). A few looked somewhat shocked, but none came to see me afterwards even though I said they could if they wanted to talk. They seemed to take it well as they were quiet for a few moments, but then came back to normal and went into a game. I guess they would have been more shocked / upset if it had been one of the Cubs themselves.

In fact the hardest part for me personally about all this, was when the father rang me last night to thank me for the Group sending some flowers and a sympathy card. I didn’t really know what to say to him.
We think the boys will be at Cubs on Friday and if they are I don’t think we will say anything to the rest of the Cubs. It wouldn’t be fair to announce it in front of them. But we will play it by ear.

As I said I don’t think there is a definite way of doing this, but I hope I got it right tonight.

2 Replies to “Delivering Very Bad News”

  1. It sounds like you handled it quite well. I imagine some of the Scouts may want to come back and talk to you more in the next couple weeks as they see how other people react to it and have more time to reflect.

    One of my Scouts performed a color guard at the funeral of a fellow student recently. I was caught unawares because I hadn’t heard the news, but I told him that he would always remember that he had the opportunity to honor a friend in that way.

    Not an easy thing to have to talk about, but talking itself helps.

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