How Do You Break Very Bad News?

Over the weekend I was told that the young sister of three of our Cubs had passed away. She had been born earlier in the year three months prematurely and I don’t think she’d ever left hospital. Very sad news and I know we’re all thinking about the family.

The parents and the Cubs are known to many in the Group and it made me wonder, do we tell the Cubs and Scouts the bad news? I guess by the end of the week when they meet, most of the Cubs will already know. But all the same, their friends most likely won’t be there and some of the Cubs won’t know why. Is it our place to say? What if the three boys are there?

I have no idea if there is a right or wrong answer here, but if anyone has any thoughts or experience I’d be interested and grateful to hear.

If you think this isn’t suitable for ‘public’ discussion, drop me an email or leave a quick message on the blog and I’ll email back. Thank you.

4 Replies to “How Do You Break Very Bad News?”

  1. Such a sad turn of events – my sympathies.

    Several years ago the father of two of my Scouts took his own life. In a small town like ours the news spread fast and there was plenty of support for the family.
    I was very concerned at how to handle this with the Scouts. I was equally concerned for the two brothers who had lost their father in such a tragic way and for their fellow Scouts. To be frank I was terrified at tackling this on my own and really didn ‘t know were to begin. In the end I concluded that I was entirely out of my depth.
    Fortunately I knew a professional counselor and she and a colleague offered to meet with the Scouts.

    At our next Troop meeting they divided the Scouts and Leaders into two groups and spent an half hour or so discussing and counseling. I was amazed at how simply and directly the counselors managed the issue and addressed the concerns of all involved – a very professional and compassionate approach. An uncle of the the two brothers attended the meeting and remarked how helpful the discussion had been both for he and the boys.

    I’d suggest that you seek out a professional to assist you with this, much as you would take an injured Scout to a doctor rather than handling it yourself. I believe you will find, as I did, that the Scouts were very resilient and, with a little help, took even this incredibly tragic event in stride. Both brothers continued on in Scouting for some years; one earning the rank of Eagle.

    Do look after yourself as well. I was very appreciative for some competent help when confronted with similar circumstances.

  2. I couldn’t agree more, see if there is a professionsal that can help…they should know best.

  3. Also, don’t forget to talk to the family! How would they like you to handle the issue. They might not even want you to make a big thing about it. From my experience as a teacher, where unfortunately I’ve had dads die from sudden illness, mums from prolonged illness, students’ best friends from accidents or suicide or illness, syblings…. And people’s reactions are so very different! Some people feel an emidiate need to talk about, some doesn’t want to be reminded at all.
    Children and youngsters in particular, but also some adults, have never experienced loss even from a distance, and need to be guided through this, but the most emidiate needs are the ones of the closest family (or if someone has had the same experience and whose memories may surface).
    I suggest you talk to the parents, and ask them. Is it ok to talk about their loss with the children in the group? Is it ok to inform the parents of the other children by letter? Would they like to come and join in? Would they rather keep their children home at the time?
    It’s a difficult and akward situation, but with a heart and two ears you’ll be alright. There might be a counceller at the kid’s school that can help you out too. Very best of luck!

  4. My Heart and prayers go with the family and the Scout group. What a terrible loss.
    May she raise into the loving hands of our Father in heaven and watch over us.

    Sorry to hear this news.

    Jerry Schleining Jr.
    Scoutmaster

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